Bull Rules: What Couples Ask of a Bull, With a Copyable Template

By Juliet Monroe · updated 2026-10-18 · 6 min read

Bull rules are the written expectations a couple gives the man she sees: protection every time, contact only through agreed channels, set timing, house rules about where and when, and clear limits on photos. State them before the first date, in plain words, and treat his reaction as part of the screening.

Bull rules are the expectations a couple sets for the man the wife sees. They cover protection, how and when he may contact her, where dates happen, what he may photograph, and what happens when someone wants to stop. A good bull is relieved to see them. A man who bristles at a list of clear, reasonable requests has just told you what he would be like in the room.

This guide lists the rules couples use most, explains why each exists, and ends with a template you can copy. If you want the couple's own rules first, read hotwife rules; this page is the version you hand to him.

Why a bull needs rules at all

A bull steps into a marriage he did not build. He cannot see the history, the sensitivities or the agreements. Rules are not an insult; they are the map. They also protect him: a man who knows exactly where the lines are cannot cross one by accident, and cannot be blamed for something nobody told him.

Rules do three jobs:

Safety. Health, privacy and physical consent.
Clarity. What the arrangement is and is not.
Respect. They show the husband is real and part of it.

State them early, in your first serious message, and again at the meeting. If you say them once and then let them slide, you teach him they are optional.

Protection and health

This is the section with no negotiation.

Condoms every time. For every act that calls for one, from start to finish.
Current test results. A full panel dated within a stated window, shared before the first date and refreshed on a schedule.
Honesty about other partners. If he sees others, he says so, and tells you when something changes.
No sex while ill or symptomatic. He tells you the same day.
Your own supplies. The couple brings protection; he does not need to prove his.

A bull who tries to argue any of these is finished. Hotwife safety tips and hotwife sexual health go further into schedules and what a test panel should include.

Contact and communication

Communication is where most friction starts.

Channel. One app or number, set up for this purpose, not her personal number.
Who initiates. Often the wife only, or the couple. A bull does not message at night or on weekends unless invited.
Husband visibility. The husband can read the thread, or the wife shares it on request. Decide which, and say so.
Tone. Respectful, no pet names for her unless she wants them, no comments about the husband.
Pace. He does not push for a date after a no, and he does not chase a reply.
Silence. If she stops replying, he stops. No follow-up pile.

If you want him to be warm but not clingy, say precisely that.

Timing and frequency

Rule	Typical choice
How often	Once a month, or by agreement
Notice	At least a few days
Length	A set window, e.g. three hours or an evening
Time of day	Evenings, weekends or afternoons, per the couple's life
Holidays and anniversaries	Off limits
Cancellation	Anyone can cancel at any time with no penalty

Limiting frequency matters. A bull with unlimited access begins to feel like a partner, and the dynamic shifts. A schedule keeps the husband as the centre. See regular bull versus one-time for what changes if the dates become regular.

House rules for where and how

Location. Hotel, his place, or yours only if you have agreed. Many couples never use the marital home or bed. Hotel versus home lays out the trade-offs.
Arrival and exit. He arrives first and leaves first, or she texts a check-in at an agreed time.
Alcohol. Limited to a drink or two. Nobody drives impaired, and she is never pressed to drink.
Safe call. The wife texts a code word if she wants out, and the husband or a friend calls with an excuse. Both know the phrase. The glossary entry safe call explains the idea.
Guests and others. No friends joining, no recording by third parties, no surprises.
Respect for her limits. Acts that are off the list stay off the list, and "no" in the room ends the act without a speech.

Photos, video and audio

Decide before the first date, because after is too late.

Default: no photos or video of anyone. The safest line, and many couples never move it.
If audio or photos are allowed: only with her consent in the moment, only on the couple's device, only with faces out of frame, and deleted on a schedule.
He takes no images of her, ever, on his phone. And no screenshots of messages.
Nothing is posted or shared. Not to friends, not to forums, not to groups.

The recording hotwife dates guide covers consent and storage in detail.

What the husband is owed

Include the husband explicitly, because bulls often forget him.

He is greeted, thanked and spoken to politely at the meeting.
He is not mocked or bullied unless it is a scene all three agreed to.
He is not contacted behind the wife's back.
He does not appear in the bull's social media, jokes or stories.
He receives, if he wants, a short debrief from her and none from the bull.

A copyable template

> Our rules for dates > 1. Protection is used every time, start to finish. Recent test results are shared before we meet and refreshed on the schedule we agree. > 2. We contact each other only through the agreed channel. No messages late at night, on weekends or on holidays unless invited. > 3. We meet for a few hours, with notice, and no more often than we agree. > 4. Dates take place in a hotel or place we have agreed. Not in our home or bed. > 5. No photos, video or audio of anyone, and no screenshots, unless we all agree in writing for a specific purpose. > 6. Either of us may stop at any time, for any reason, without being asked to justify it. > 7. Nothing about us is shared with anyone, now or later. > 8. Courtesy toward both of us is expected, in the room and in the messages. > 9. If the arrangement ends, it ends in one polite message, without blame.

Adapt the wording to your style. The point is not the legal sound; it is that you can say each line out loud without flinching. For a fuller agreement between husband and wife, a hotwife relationship agreement template is also available.

Rules that sound reasonable but backfire

Some rules couples love turn out to cause more trouble than they prevent. "He may not text her at all" sounds tidy, but it forces the wife to chase every logistic and makes her the only line of contact, which isolates her. A better rule is limited, scheduled messages. "He may never come to our house" is sensible, but "he may never know where we live" is hard to keep, and false statements breed their own stress. And any rule that depends on the bull guessing the couple's mood, such as "don't be too keen," will be broken without malice, because he cannot read what you have not said.

Write rules as behaviours a stranger could follow. "Message only between nine and eight, only on weekdays" is clear. "Don't be annoying" is not.

Reviewing the rules over time

Rules are a draft. After the first date, ask: which rule did we not need, and which did we wish we had? After three months, ask again. Some couples loosen the timing rule once trust builds; others add one after a near miss. Tell the bull when you change something, and give him a day to say whether it still works for him. Treat changes as a conversation, not a decree. A bull who sees that the rules are applied evenly, in both directions, is more likely to follow them.

How to present the rules

Present them as a courtesy, not an ultimatum. "Before we meet, here is how we like to do things." Send them in a message he can reread, not an essay during a flirt. Ask if he has questions, and ask if he has any rules of his own. A good bull will have some: he will want clear communication, honest testing and no drama. That is fair.

Then watch his response. The ideal reply is brief, relaxed and agrees at once. A defensive reply, a joke at your expense, a request to waive a line: those are screening answers, and they answer the question for you.

If you want the feeling of a husband laying down boundaries, try the free Start Here course, where The Tap rehearses the same idea from the husband's seat.

Ready to hear it instead of reading it? Start Here is my free course for husbands, seven sessions, one a day.

Start Part 1 or join me free

Frequently asked questions

What rules should a couple give a bull?

At minimum: protection every time, current test results, contact only through an agreed channel, set timing, an agreed location, no photos or recordings, and the right of either partner to stop. Add courtesy toward the husband and total privacy.

Should the husband be able to read messages between the wife and bull?

Many couples agree he can, which keeps trust and filters bad behaviour. Others prefer a summary. Decide before the first message and tell the bull, so no one is surprised.

How do I tell a bull the rules without scaring him off?

Present them as a courtesy at the first serious message and again at the meeting. A good bull welcomes clear rules. Anyone who bristles at reasonable requests is a screening result, not a loss.

Can a bull have rules of his own?

Yes, and a good one will. Common ones are honest communication, testing, no drama and notice for cancellations. Rules should be reciprocal and respectful in both directions.

What if the bull breaks a rule?

Address it once, plainly, the same day. A first small slip can be a reminder; repeated or safety-related slips end the arrangement. Do not negotiate retroactively.

Listen next

Start Here Part 5: The Tap

FREEEXPLICIT 9m 01s

Start Here Part 4: Just Watch